Found on my credit card bill:
“Somerset House Trust”, of course!
Archive for the ‘Funnies’ Category
Sht London
Wednesday, April 6th, 2016The Diversity of my Interests (2)
Wednesday, April 6th, 2016What Alibaba thinks I should be buying for my business:
The Diversity of My Interests (1)
Thursday, March 10th, 2016What TripAdvisor thinks I should be interested in; an interesting combination:
Toast?
Wednesday, March 9th, 2016If an antipodean eats avocados on toast in the afternoon, is that arvo toast?
Bourgeois Yuppie Quinoa
Saturday, February 6th, 2016One of the linguistic tics that has remained with me, as someone from a basically working-class background is the addition of a self-deprecating adjective like “poncey” or “yuppie” to anything vaguely middle class. Despite having lived a basically middle-class lifestyle since going off to university as a teenager, I still feel the need to describe anything containing quinoa as “my poncey salad” and similar remarks.
I think this started at university. A colleague started referring to filter coffee as “bourgeois coffee” and the name has stuck, at least in the back of my mind, ever since. Similarly, another light-hearted fellow student’s description of the mineral-water-with-lemon that I used to get sometimes from the local shop as “your yuppie water” remains to this day. There is still, in the back of my mind, the idea that Real Men drink instant coffee and tap water, and that fripperies like cafetieres are odd inconsistencies.
I think this a reliable tell for people who have moved from a broadly working-class background to a middle-class one.
Joke (10)
Saturday, November 28th, 2015Had an appointment at the dentist at three o’clock this afternoon. Met a Chinese bloke on the way out, who said he was just coming out of his appointment forty years and half an hour ago.
Quick!
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015My mother used to knit faster when she was getting to the end of the ball of wool, in the belief that if she went quick enough she would reach the end of the current row before the ball ran out. I have an isomorphic delusion when it comes to typing—if I want to get a certain sentence on the current line without wrapping, I will type quicker, hoping to reach the end of the line before the computer decides to put a line break in.
As Any Fule No…
Wednesday, September 30th, 2015People have been telling me that I should know “what any fule no” for a while. Now, at last, I have the opportunity to find out:
Product (1)
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2015So, is this what they mean at the hairdressers when they say “I’ll just put some product in your hair.”?
Yours for only a billion pounds!
Friday, September 4th, 2015I’ll be putting in an offer on Monday!
Abbrvs (2)
Sunday, August 30th, 2015Sent this perfectly reasonably titled file as an email attachment to some colleagues:
Unfortunately, it ended up in the email attachments window looking like this:
…I’ll get me coat…
Joke (9)
Sunday, August 30th, 2015Have you seen the new Waitrose ad? “New Cranberry and Goji Berry Granola—so cranberry-y it even turns the milk light fuchsia.”
Way Off
Thursday, July 2nd, 2015It’s great that the bus stops just here, so that the sign looks like it says “Way Off Licence”.
V. Good
Sunday, June 7th, 2015If you need a lawyer, don’t settle for a good one; get a V. Good one!
Joke (8)
Sunday, June 7th, 2015I’ve no idea how people actually buy windows. I went into a DIY shop t’other day, and when they said “can I help you?” I said “certainly, I’m here to do some window shopping” and then they just left me alone.
“…don’t know where, don’t know when.”
Tuesday, May 26th, 2015Whenever I’m booking a train and I come to the “aisle seat or window seat” selection, my brain inconveniently provides Vera Lynn singing “aisle seat again, don’t know where, don’t know when…” as a musical background to this choice.
Not what Radio-buttons are for
Wednesday, January 28th, 2015
Academic Papers that Ought to Exist (1)
Tuesday, January 27th, 2015“They Came from Greece and had a Thirst for Porridge”: An Examination of the First-generation Hellenic Immigrant Experience in Scotland.
Joke (7)
Sunday, January 25th, 2015I met Tim Vine’s sister, Cyndi, the other day. She seems very jealous of her brother. All the time she kept singing her new song, “Girls just want to have pun”.