Something that happens from time to time is that I meet someone who I haven’t seen for a while, and who doesn’t know any details about my life over the last couple of years, in which time my mother has died and my father has a number of issues that require me to travel back to Nottingham almost every week.
I’ve struggled for a while to find what my colleague Keith Mander calls “the right form of words” to introduce this. It seems odd to have a casual conversation and wait for the “right moment” to introduce it; indeed, this can just add stress to a conversation as you wait for a moment, and you risk letting the other person feel a fool for not knowing, e.g. if they make some casual jokey comment that seems offensive given the change of circumstances. On the other hand, blurting it all out straight away “Hi! bythewaymymotherdiedand…”.
The “form of words” that I’ve gradually become comfortable with begins with a brief flag; after an initial exchange of pleasantries, I say something like “Have I told you about what has been happening over the last couple of years?” or “I ought to tell you about what’s been happening over the last couple of years.” This then changes the tone of the conversation and allows me to talk about it without feeling that I have blundered into it.